My parents threw me out at nineteen because I wouldn’t end my pregnancy. Ten years later I drove back with my son and knocked on the same door and I finally told them who his father was.

Because I could not make myself walk back into a house where two people had chosen their pride over their own daughter.

Then, on his tenth birthday, after the cake, he looked at me with that face he does and said:

Can I meet them? Just once?

And I sat there and worked out that I owed him that, and that I had been calling it protection for ten years when for at least four of them it had been something else.

I said yes on the Tuesday and then spent eleven days 
trying to find a way to say no again.

I wrote an email to my mother’s old address twice and deleted both.

And on the Thursday, Leo — who is ten and who notices everything — came and stood in the kitchen doorway and said: we don’t have to go if you don’t want.

Which is the exact sentence I have been saying to adults my entire life to get out of things.