I hadn’t told my husband. I didn’t want to hear him sigh about it.
***
Now, at 2:55 a.m., I lay perfectly still, staring at the ceiling fan and willing my body not to shift. The baby kicked hard, right under my ribs, and I sucked in a breath I tried to swallow silently.
I hadn’t told my husband.
Ryan stirred. I felt the mattress tighten beneath him, the way it does when someone’s muscles have gone rigid with irritation.
“Please,” I whispered to no one. “Please, just let me sleep.”
He didn’t hear me. Or, if he did, he didn’t answer.
I closed my eyes and counted the baby’s kicks, one, two, three, and told myself that later in the day things would feel less sharp. I told myself Ryan was tired, I was tired, and we’d find our way back.
“Please, just let me sleep.”