She closed her eyes.
“I know that too.”
Her voice was weaker when she continued.
“There were days when both girls were crying and I couldn’t make either of them comfortable. I would get so overwhelmed that I was afraid of myself.”
Brielle shifted beside the bed.
“What do you mean?”
Colette looked at her.
“I never hurt either of you. But I had thoughts that scared me. I was exhausted, angry, ashamed, and I kept thinking I was going to become someone dangerous if I stayed.”
“So you left,” I said.
“Yes.”
“For twelve years.”
“I thought I was leaving temporarily.”
I stared at her.
“You packed your things and disappeared.”
“I know.”
“No calls. No birthdays. No letters.”
Her eyes filled.
“I know.”
“Why didn’t you get help and come back?”
“I should have.”
“That’s not an answer.”
She wiped her cheek.
“The longer I stayed away, the harder it became to return. At first I told myself you were better at everything than I was and the girls were safer with you. Then I told myself coming back would confuse them. After a few years, I was so ashamed that I didn’t know how to explain why I’d waited so long.”
