The hardest part was not any single disappointment. It was the slow realization that she had begun expecting disappointment before anything had even happened.
Whenever a new person treated her kindly, she searched for the reason. Whenever someone complimented her, she wondered what they wanted. Whenever a relationship began to feel promising, she prepared herself for the moment it would fall apart.
She was not looking for a perfect man. In fact, she had grown suspicious of people who seemed perfect.
She wanted someone who could sit beside her without demanding that she entertain him. Someone who could listen without turning every conversation into a competition. Someone who could disagree without making her feel small.
Most of all, she wanted to stop feeling
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as though love were an examination she had to pass.
That was why, when she finally took a short trip to Okinawa, she made a decision that surprised even her.
