The court appointed a guardian ad litem named Susan Bell to look after Lily’s interests. Susan met with me, Daniel, and Lily separately, and she made it clear that her job was not to decide who had been the better spouse. She wanted to know how the conflict was affecting our seven-year-old daughter. That frightened me more than any medical test.
When Susan later called, she told me Lily had been exposed to adult conversations about whether my illness was real. I felt sick all over again. Lily had apparently heard people discussing my dizziness, my hospital visits, and whether I was pretending. Susan would not give me every detail over the phone, but she said one thing that stayed with me: “Lily should never be placed in the position of evaluating whether your medical condition is real.”
The report arrived the next morning. Lily loved her father, enjoyed spending time with him, and was not claiming he physically hurt her. But she was anxious about transitions, felt pressure when she missed me, and believed she was supposed to notice whether I looked tired or sick. The conflict between Daniel and me had started becoming a job our child thought she had to manage.
