She washed endless mountains of tiny clothes, knew exactly how Jacob liked to be rocked, and somehow always seemed to sense when I needed help even before I asked for it.
There were nights when I cried because Michael should have been there, and Susan just sat silently next to me.
I thought we were mourning the same loss.
I didn’t know she was carrying something else with her.
A secret.
Michael’s secret.
She carried it through his death.
Through the birth of the twins.
Through her first smile.
Through every sleepless night of those early years.
And she never once mentioned this meeting in the cafe.
On the twins’ first birthday, I tried to make the day as beautiful as possible.
We filled the apartment with balloons, cake, friends and family.
I was constantly busy with something, because at the end of the table there was an empty chair, and I knew that if I looked at it for too long, I would think about the person who should have been sitting there.
When the last guest had left, I started collecting the plates.
Suddenly Susan said she needed to get something from the car.
A few minutes later she came back with a large box.
As soon as I saw the writing on the lid, my whole body froze.
I recognized this handwriting.
I had seen them on shopping lists.
On birthday cards.
On sticky notes.
On small notes that Michael had left on the refrigerator.
The following was written on top of the box:
« For my family. To open on their first birthday. »
I looked at Susan.
« He gave them to me before he stopped driving, » she said quietly. « He made me promise that I wouldn’t give them to you a single day earlier. »
My hands were shaking as I reached for the clasp.
Susan immediately placed her hand on the lid.
« Before you open it, you must look at me. »
Something in her voice made me pause.
And for the first time in all those years, I understood what was truly hidden behind her facial expression.
Debt.
I looked at her and asked:
“Susan… what did you know?”
She slowly sat up straight, looked at Michael’s box and said:
« Enough to know that if I tell you the truth, you may never forgive either of us. »
I just stared at her.
Because until that moment I had believed that grief was the worst thing Michael had left me with.
I was mistaken.
The whole story didn’t fit here. In my first comment, I already explained what Susan had hidden from me for over a year and what was actually in the box that Michael had forbidden her to open earlier.
Read on below.
